Antique Collecting Gifts

'Sir, comfortable chairs wear out. Only the very unconfortable become antiques.'

'If it's made in the USA, it's an antique.'

'Stop screaming at Kevin for using your silver quarter collection in the arcade. It's your fault for leaving it where he could find it.'

'He's not a patient. He's an antique collector. He's interested in the magazines in our waiting room.'

'Don't touch those, you big handed pervert.'

A hammer in his den enjoying a cigar and port with his collection of trophy thumbs above his head.

Reaching For Dentures

Second hand clocks.

'You have a Remington etching that has a mate somewhere of this coach scene. . . if you had the mate and cleaned the etching it would be worth $5,000 at auction. . . by itself $150.'

'We're looking for 'antique items' today, sir - not antique relatives!'

"It's more of a conversation piece, really."

"How appropriate. Antique magazines."

"Eugene is retro. He thinks everything was better in low-def and black and white."

Something for Everyone!

Antiques, Furniture Stripping, Stripping.

"I know it's not an antique but it will be when I've finished paying for it."

Antiques

"I don't want to get into a hypothetical debate about the nature of reality while I'm watching 'Bargain Hunt'. . ."

"They lead a simple life - they don't even put gas in their cars."

'Oh I don't mind you turning over my cups to look at the mark. But next time, please finish your tea.'

'It's the very latest thing - four wheel drive.'

Cut out and keep your own French Polisher.

A Deserted Bar

Are you bidding Mrs Bixler, or are you berating Mr. Bixler again?'

'This one belonged to a little old lady with weak eyes.'

Nautical Antiques: We Catch Your Drift

"...The...key! Get...the...key!!"

Antiques

"I know the piece is rare, Harry and it's in perfect condition and that you hate to part with it...but Harry...just give me the dam dealer price!"

junk bought - antiques sold.

Two Ladies Discussing a Table

"Well, I would consider offering you more for it if it were right, say, three times a day."

"One day at a time, Ethel, I take it one day at a time. So far this year, it has been the usual assortment of useless junk. Last week, he located a dump scow, and he spent all this week dragging a 1929 Ford engine block out of the river. . ."

"I'll take it."

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."