Butler Admirer T-Shirts

'I think you'll enjoy this, Master James... it's sassy but bovine.'

'Alas, poor Yorick, I knew you well. But dude, you're creeping me out, so I gotta un-friend you!'

Love a Mutt

Lady of the bath...

'Did you bark, M'Lady?'

'Guess who just graduated cum laude from Sunnydale Obedience School?'

'Pigs feet, sir?' 'Are they pickled?'

'The Ambassador will not be pleased, Madame.'

T.S. Eliot lacks the courage to eat a peach.

"I say we move on to dessert."

Shakespeare's Brain

A little sharpener before dinner, darling?

The Royal Wii

'Not gruel, stupid! -- I said find the GRAIL!'

"I don't care what job you want, Bagshaw, for God's sake dress for the job you have!"

"Me, I think Master and Mistress are incompetent: why else would they need a butler, 3 maids, 2 cooks, 5 gardeners, a pool boy and 2 personal assistants?"

'Look Chaucer, there goes that rotten plagiarist Shakespeare again!'

Mr. Briggs' Pleasures of Housekeeping, part 1

'I never saw a tracer bullet that I didn't admire for color, clarity and swiftness.'

"Whatever is quickest - I'm starving!"

'Doctor, one placebo or two with your tea?'

'Ah, Reeves - it's lonely on top!'

Culinary Culture.

'The butler did it.'

The British Hamlet. He says: 'Alas poor Yorick, I knew him ... well, I say knew, more of an acquaintance really. Only met the chap three or four times.'

"Tell him I can still hear him chewing."

Hit me with that crazy cha cha again, James!

Trustworthy Authority.

Gentleman discovering that his servants have been eating most of his good meat

'New money or old money?'

Now that, my dear James, is what I call a Dog's Breakfast...

Royal Picnic

Recollections of a Retired Butler

"Ya, that's right. Blame the help."