Butler Admirer Pillows

'I think you'll enjoy this, Master James... it's sassy but bovine.'

'Alas, poor Yorick, I knew you well. But dude, you're creeping me out, so I gotta un-friend you!'

Love a Mutt

Lady of the bath...

'There's no art to the mind's construction on Facebook, Macbeth.'

'Did you bark, M'Lady?'

'Guess who just graduated cum laude from Sunnydale Obedience School?'

'Pigs feet, sir?' 'Are they pickled?'

'The Ambassador will not be pleased, Madame.'

T.S. Eliot lacks the courage to eat a peach.

Shakespeare's Brain

"I say we move on to dessert."

"I don't care what job you want, Bagshaw, for God's sake dress for the job you have!"

"Me, I think Master and Mistress are incompetent: why else would they need a butler, 3 maids, 2 cooks, 5 gardeners, a pool boy and 2 personal assistants?"

A little sharpener before dinner, darling?

The Royal Wii

'Not gruel, stupid! -- I said find the GRAIL!'

'Look Chaucer, there goes that rotten plagiarist Shakespeare again!'

'I never saw a tracer bullet that I didn't admire for color, clarity and swiftness.'

Mr. Briggs' Pleasures of Housekeeping, part 1

"Whatever is quickest - I'm starving!"

'My Alfa Romeo, My Alfa Romeo, where for art thou?'

'Ah, Reeves - it's lonely on top!'

Culinary Culture.

'The butler did it.'

'Doctor, one placebo or two with your tea?'

The British Hamlet. He says: 'Alas poor Yorick, I knew him ... well, I say knew, more of an acquaintance really. Only met the chap three or four times.'

"Tell him I can still hear him chewing."

Hit me with that crazy cha cha again, James!

Trustworthy Authority.

Now that, my dear James, is what I call a Dog's Breakfast...

'New money or old money?'

Gentleman discovering that his servants have been eating most of his good meat

Recollections of a Retired Butler

Royal Picnic