Busy Family Schedules Pillows

'I don't have time for throwing up.'

'Please tell me you're baby sitting?'

You only have time for one: Choose your fighter - Exercise, Wash Your Hair, Eat, Breathe

"Well, I'm thinking about boarding school. Though I'm not sure they accept adults."

"I'm exempt from the company fitness program. I have triplets at home."

Impracticle Guide to Having Babies: 'Feeding'

"I'll bet she was worn out by the end of teacher's meeting day."

Lawyer's baby first word: whiplash!

"I know, but all promises are off when Daddy's writing his grant proposals."

'Push, dear! The child will be late for pre-school!'

Mom simultaneously feeds baby his bottle, and husband his.

Decorating with Children

'I couldn't find any box filler so I shredded those tax documents on your desk.'

"Your daughter called—you promised to play phone tag with her today."

"I have a protein drink every day for lunch, because I never have to chew."

'We need a dog!'

"Do you really use all of the stuff on this school supply list?"

"Here comes the airplane--once it gets clearance from the tower, which should be in another 45 minutes. Thank you for your patience."

"Amazing how having a six month old baby can motivate you to stay at the office for 16 hours a day!"

Mind them while I go shopping and I'll give you 50 bucks extra!

"I have the kids Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. She has them Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. Thursday they're free-range.

Working Moms

"You mind if I sit here and yammer on while my kid does whatever he wants?"

'Who's gonna stay here and do my homework?'

Today's nervous breakdown occurred yesterday.

'Come watch TV with me, Mom. This movie is for young and old.'

"The small door's for the dog and the larger one's for the kids."

Fresh Food and Regurgitated

"The kids were late for school and it just stayed like that."

"We shouldn't have had so many kids. Now they all want computers and phones."

"Now will you knock it off with all the bird calls?"

"Mom said to put her on your 'Don't bother me I'm taking a bath' list!"

The Husband Caddie

'Frankly, they're too busy to have pets: They have to pay somebody to walk me...'