Business Morality Gifts

"You know what I think, folks? Improving technology isn't important. Increased profits aren't important. What's important is to be warm, decent human beings."

Ethics exam cheater.

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"

Feedback should be sought for genuine reasons, not because you want compliments. . .

"Imagine if only 1/2 the companies that claimed to have a great culture actually did."

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

'One final question: Have you ever been disciplined, investigated or suspended for integrity on the job?'

"We'd better watch Cranston. He looks like a whistleblower."

Water company bonus.

'This is Harris, he's been with the firm some 45 years!'

'Don't laugh Ms. Newborn, but I want you to proof this for 'accuracy'.'

'The question is - to what level of data do we wish to stoop.'

"At First Infidelity we're all about integrity...."

"Hi, Bob - your consultants have just arrived."

'Nothing about the evils of corporate downsizing?'

'You've become like a son to me, Alvin. But the company has strict rules against nepotism, so I have to let you go.'

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

'Please remember, it's not a lie if it turns a profit.'

Experience is important, so I'm inclined to leave questions of ethics to those who have them.

'We're getting back to first principles...which means we're going to have some.'

"Unlike other companies, we are going to take the high road through this rough time, even if, at some point, we're obliged to raid the employee pension fund! Is everybody clear on that?"

'The bad news is that our company is bankrupt. The good news is that we're only morally bankrupt.'

Attitudes are contagious. Is yours worth catching?

If business gets any worse I'll have to start laying off relatives.

"Absolutely, Senator, in my mind it was always my country first, and obscene profits second."

"There may be a moral equivalent of war, but, by God, there is not moral equivalent of money."

"Whoa! Back up a second... 'R & D' stands for 'Research & Development?' We always thought it meant 'Rip-off & Distribute!'"

"Sir, your greed is showing."

'I never wanted the best years of your life Clayton - just a few good days would do.'

"Well here's my idea: Why don't we try serving better coffee than them?"

'Way too much information on your resume.'

'It has all the comfort of a regular jet, but it's invisible to shareholders.'