Business Lingo Linguist Gifts

"Here comes a client I must speak to. Excuse me while I slip into some jargon."

"The good news is that we do have a little wiggle room."

"We need a best practice swim lane to leverage our core competency, move the needle outside the box, and open the kimono while keeping our ducks in a row. Can anyone give me a sustainable solution to more vertical effectiveness without getting too granula

"This is what we call a 'customer', or more accurately a 'potential profit centre.'"

"Sophia, will you agree to form a joint exploratory committee for marriage?"

We don't call these savage screaming fits. We call them confrontation verbal interfacing.

"We were looking for somebody with experience in mumbo-jumbo but your resume is mainly about gobbledegook."

What Business People often say (and what they really mean)

"As your new CEO, I hereby change 'deadline' to 'soft squiggle.'"

"I swear, Bob, if you say "I'll think about it and circle back to you" one more time...X"

"Mommy is having another baby. Let me assure you that any paradigm shift will be incremental, core values remain family-centric, and Mommy is committed to assimilation and building synergy."

"You're all redundant."

"I made a straightforward proposal, Moira, and all I ask is a linear response."

"The best laid plans of mice and men... differ materially in their objectives."

'I'm tired - let's outsource dinner tonight.'

'Don't you all feel energised, full of enthusiasm for the future!'

"Miss Davis, bring me everything we've got on turning a two-bit hole-in-the-wall operation into a multinational juggernaut."

'Ladies and gentlemen, we are the best team money can buy. Now LET'S PLAY BALL!'

Digital Marketing

'This startup is going to cost me a ton.'

'Ms. Kravetz, find me a euphemism to describe this productivity gain somewhere between resource action and you're all fired.'

'I was a tall, handsome prince, and an evil witch downsized me.'

'Good work, I doubt whether any of the shareholders will understand it.'

'My protocol ate your paradigm.'

We all know we're up against a new ball game, a paradigm shift and a game changer, but luckily the cliches remain the same.

"There'd be a lot less hemming and hawing if you did a better job of flimming and flamming."

"'Plummet' is such a harsh term, Mr. Dolan. We prefer to say priced 'below cost basis'."

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

"Apropos your request for a salary increase, we're going to have you appraised."

"Nice speech. A blend of the aspirational and pie-in-the-sky nonsense."

"No time for sound bites. Just give me a couple of sound nibbles."

"We want to shift the paradigm to refocus on forward facing customer orientated satisfaction levels with a strategic orientation towards market positioning. . ."

Chief Acronym Officer busy at work

'I'm tired - let's outsource dinner tonight.'