Business Ironist Gifts

"We're moving you to another office, Norman."

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

"...our Annual Report has been criticised for lack of clarity - well done!"

'I owe you an apology, Greffman -- Let's keep it that way.'

"I see the downsizing continues."

"Openness and transparency are a big part of our corporate mythos."

Backlash industries: makers of the macro-chip, bigger, slower..and it even makes mistakes

'If two wrongs don't make a right...try three.'

I'd like to talk about absenteeism.

'Your job will be to worry about the unimportant things.'

"Our constantant surveillance indicates workers are becoming more paranoid."

"Who the hell is responsible for this no-blame culture???"

'After our downsizing drive, there won't be room for you within our organization, Holbrooke. However, we would like to retain your services as a corporate clown.'

'Johnson gave it to Wilson to give to Adams to give to O'Connor to give to Anderson to give to me to give to you to get it done right away.'

'Yes, my opinion today is the opposite of what I said yesterday. In my position, this is called 'flexibility', in your position, it would be called 'unreability''.

Fitted Sheet:1/Human:0

VEGETATE.

'No doubt about it we're really lost!...Even GPS says it can't help!'

'Willowby, you have great leadership potential. That's why I'm getting rid of you now.'

Income Tax Return

"We had to lay off most of the staff to pay for the consultants."

"You're operation went smoothly, but we're very concerned about some post-surgical insurance complications."

"Senior management is happy for us to manage the changes ourselves apart from a couple of things."

"Such a shame when he was THIS close to emptying his inbox!"

"We've cut away all the fat now we have to look at staffing costs!"

"Well of course this is a hostile workplace environment. You do realize what it is you do for a living, don't you?"

'Rick, could you take a seat somewhere else, please? For me to be seen with you is damaging to business!'

"Take heart, Mike! In my experience, the quiet desperation of ordinary men, when properly managed, can move mountains in the workplace!"

"Oh, you know, I'm just a typical guy in a boring suit, working in the corporate industry."

"I'm selling all my old passwords that were stolen."

'Help! As a contrarian I invested in rotary and supersized phones.'

'Clear communications are essential to a positive work environment, so let's be 'clear' that we will be expecting you to cover the cuts by working twice as hard for less return in worse conditions!'

'On one hand, I'm ashamed to sell nothing but cheap crap. On the other hand, I'm glad I make a lot of money doing it, so I don't have to buy cheap crap...'