Organizational Ironist Gifts

"Openness and transparency are a big part of our corporate mythos."

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

It's a new government directive requiring us to be 58% more cheerful within 18 months.

"...our Annual Report has been criticised for lack of clarity - well done!"

'I owe you an apology, Greffman -- Let's keep it that way.'

Backlash industries: makers of the macro-chip, bigger, slower..and it even makes mistakes

I'd like to talk about absenteeism.

"I'll bet you can't name three of their songs."

"Our constantant surveillance indicates workers are becoming more paranoid."

'Your job will be to worry about the unimportant things.'

"Who the hell is responsible for this no-blame culture???"

'After our downsizing drive, there won't be room for you within our organization, Holbrooke. However, we would like to retain your services as a corporate clown.'

'Johnson gave it to Wilson to give to Adams to give to O'Connor to give to Anderson to give to me to give to you to get it done right away.'

'Yes, my opinion today is the opposite of what I said yesterday. In my position, this is called 'flexibility', in your position, it would be called 'unreability''.

VEGETATE.

Artist Misses the Point

'No doubt about it we're really lost!...Even GPS says it can't help!'

Fitted Sheet:1/Human:0

Income Tax Return

"You're operation went smoothly, but we're very concerned about some post-surgical insurance complications."

"Your resumé looks great. I just don't think you have the right ego for our company."

"Senior management is happy for us to manage the changes ourselves apart from a couple of things."

"Such a shame when he was THIS close to emptying his inbox!"

"When I was young I needed drugs to feel weird. Now, I need drugs to feel normal."

"Well of course this is a hostile workplace environment. You do realize what it is you do for a living, don't you?"

"I'm selling all my old passwords that were stolen."

"Take heart, Mike! In my experience, the quiet desperation of ordinary men, when properly managed, can move mountains in the workplace!"

"Yes, I was downsized out of here last month. That's who this collection is for!"

"We're moving you to another office, Norman."

"Oh, you know, I'm just a typical guy in a boring suit, working in the corporate industry."

How to make every minute count.

'Clear communications are essential to a positive work environment, so let's be 'clear' that we will be expecting you to cover the cuts by working twice as hard for less return in worse conditions!'

"I no longer think, therefore I no longer am."