Corporate Ironists Gifts

Your call is important to us. Not in ways that show, of course, so you'll just have to take our word for it.

"Oh, you know, I'm just a typical guy in a boring suit, working in the corporate industry."

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

"...our Annual Report has been criticised for lack of clarity - well done!"

'Don't laugh Ms. Newborn, but I want you to proof this for 'accuracy'.'

'I owe you an apology, Greffman -- Let's keep it that way.'

"Openness and transparency are a big part of our corporate mythos."

"I'll bet you can't name three of their songs."

I'd like to talk about absenteeism.

"I don't know if they do or not. . . I've never opened it."

Our large economy size packet hasn't been selling...it's too big to carry home.

'He always has your back - - - but it's mostly to step on.'

"I don't mind out of control spending as long as it's on stuff I like."

"Our constantant surveillance indicates workers are becoming more paranoid."

'Your job will be to worry about the unimportant things.'

This isn't a good time to see him --- He just got outbid for a soul on eBay. Beelzebub.

"Who the hell is responsible for this no-blame culture???"

'After our downsizing drive, there won't be room for you within our organization, Holbrooke. However, we would like to retain your services as a corporate clown.'

'Johnson gave it to Wilson to give to Adams to give to O'Connor to give to Anderson to give to me to give to you to get it done right away.'

'Yes, my opinion today is the opposite of what I said yesterday. In my position, this is called 'flexibility', in your position, it would be called 'unreability''.

VEGETATE.

The Continuing Adventures of Mel Hufnagel, Corporate Head-Hunter...

Artist Misses the Point

'No doubt about it we're really lost!...Even GPS says it can't help!'

Sartre's E-Mail

"Management think staff need to use their initiative more, and they forwarded a 65 page memo on how they want you to do it."

Income Tax Return

"That efficiency expert you hired said I should get rid of you."

"Such a shame when he was THIS close to emptying his inbox!"

"Senior management is happy for us to manage the changes ourselves apart from a couple of things."

"Well of course this is a hostile workplace environment. You do realize what it is you do for a living, don't you?"

"That's Gerald, he was your predecessor as head of strategic planning."

The Team

"We're moving you to another office, Norman."

"Take heart, Mike! In my experience, the quiet desperation of ordinary men, when properly managed, can move mountains in the workplace!"