Corporate Ironists Gifts

"Oh, you know, I'm just a typical guy in a boring suit, working in the corporate industry."

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

"...our Annual Report has been criticised for lack of clarity - well done!"

'Don't laugh Ms. Newborn, but I want you to proof this for 'accuracy'.'

'I owe you an apology, Greffman -- Let's keep it that way.'

"Openness and transparency are a big part of our corporate mythos."

I'd like to talk about absenteeism.

"I'll bet you can't name three of their songs."

'He always has your back - - - but it's mostly to step on.'

Our large economy size packet hasn't been selling...it's too big to carry home.

"I don't know if they do or not. . . I've never opened it."

"I don't mind out of control spending as long as it's on stuff I like."

"Our constantant surveillance indicates workers are becoming more paranoid."

'Your job will be to worry about the unimportant things.'

'After our downsizing drive, there won't be room for you within our organization, Holbrooke. However, we would like to retain your services as a corporate clown.'

"Who the hell is responsible for this no-blame culture???"

'Johnson gave it to Wilson to give to Adams to give to O'Connor to give to Anderson to give to me to give to you to get it done right away.'

'Yes, my opinion today is the opposite of what I said yesterday. In my position, this is called 'flexibility', in your position, it would be called 'unreability''.

VEGETATE.

Artist Misses the Point

The Continuing Adventures of Mel Hufnagel, Corporate Head-Hunter...

'No doubt about it we're really lost!...Even GPS says it can't help!'

"Management think staff need to use their initiative more, and they forwarded a 65 page memo on how they want you to do it."

Income Tax Return

"That efficiency expert you hired said I should get rid of you."

"Senior management is happy for us to manage the changes ourselves apart from a couple of things."

"Such a shame when he was THIS close to emptying his inbox!"

"Well of course this is a hostile workplace environment. You do realize what it is you do for a living, don't you?"

"I'm selling all my old passwords that were stolen."

"Take heart, Mike! In my experience, the quiet desperation of ordinary men, when properly managed, can move mountains in the workplace!"

"That's Gerald, he was your predecessor as head of strategic planning."

"We're moving you to another office, Norman."

'Help! As a contrarian I invested in rotary and supersized phones.'