Workplace Ironist Gifts

'Yes, my opinion today is the opposite of what I said yesterday. In my position, this is called 'flexibility', in your position, it would be called 'unreability''.

'Your job will be to worry about the unimportant things.'

'I owe you an apology, Greffman -- Let's keep it that way.'

'After our downsizing drive, there won't be room for you within our organization, Holbrooke. However, we would like to retain your services as a corporate clown.'

"Crawford's hard at work, I see!"

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

BEWARE OF THE DOG!; 'So much for management's pledge to bargain in good faith.'

"...our Annual Report has been criticised for lack of clarity - well done!"

"Openness and transparency are a big part of our corporate mythos."

I'd like to talk about absenteeism.

"I missed your last few words. Would you please mumble them again?"

"Phizby, your can't do attitude has really cut down on screw-ups around here. Keep up the good work!"

"Our constantant surveillance indicates workers are becoming more paranoid."

"Who the hell is responsible for this no-blame culture???"

"Wait a minute! I don’t ignore the concerns of my employees! I listen to them, I discuss with them... and then I ignore them."

"You have a grossly exagerrated view of your own importance. You'll make an excellent department head."

'All work and no play may make you dull, but it also makes you Vice President.'

"I work from home because I can’t stand the sight of idiots." "Is that why you got rid of all our mirrors?"

'Johnson gave it to Wilson to give to Adams to give to O'Connor to give to Anderson to give to me to give to you to get it done right away.'

'Yes Sir, I am at this very minute passing on your recommendations for staff wage cuts to the appropriate department'

"Do you have any idea what it's like to be underappreciated by your boss?"

"He's just come back from a 'managing stress' course...He learnt all sorts of strategies for dealing with pressure...maybe he could show us some of them if he ever wakes up."

Fitted Sheet:1/Human:0

Artist Misses the Point

"By golly, if I can make it an enjoyable environment then it's no longer work, it's fun!..."

VEGETATE.

'No doubt about it we're really lost!...Even GPS says it can't help!'

Income Tax Return

'We're not really sure WHAT he does. He seems to just sit there and glow!'

"Cut a few thousand jobs here, boss, a few thousand jobs there, and they start to add up."

"Every complaint should be seen as a learning opportunity, today you’re going to learn where to hide them."

'How do you like the new incentive scheme?'

"Your new role will require you to take a LOT more responsibility, you'll need to use your initiative and not be afraid to make decisions. Just make sure you run everything past me."

'I'm starting to think this will be a year without any raises.'