Business Gossip Gifts

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

21st century water cooler conversations.

'I heard the Board was talking about kicking you, but I don't know if it's upstairs or out.'

"We'd better watch Cranston. He looks like a whistleblower."

"Did you hear that that bastard McMinney has buggered of to work for Bank of America!"

"You would be perfect if you weren't you!"

'I'm a fat cat in a dog-eat-dog world.'

"The water does taste a little funny. Maybe they added analgesics, to ease the pain of restructuring."

While you were out... the whole office talked about you.

"Nope! He'd never set eyes on a water cooler in all his years in the office!"

'I'm here for 10 years and I don't have a clue about what this company is doing. I'm here just because of the gossip!'

My husband doesn´t understand you.

'Voodoo economics was bad enough, but this voodoo foreign policy....'

Whitehall: Gave honest impartial advice

"I know this is just my humble opinion, but it's backed by the most comprehensive rumor, gossip and speculation this office can provide!"

'Never roll your eyes while the boss is talking.'

'Take a letter,'

"Son, you're old enough now to learn about something we call 'compliance'...."

"So who else is gonna be there?"

"He's still bitter that bottled water ruined his reign as king of the water cooler."

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

'Forget about me - what can you tell me about the new CEO coming on board?'

"The defibrillators are used when someone is either having a heart attack or trying to leave early."

"Will you two stop giggling every time I say 'assets'?"

'Lessee... He's keepin' my ol' guy at Defense, he's got a corrupt warmonger at State, a tax cheat at Treasury, an' the old Marc Rich pardon guy at Justice.... Nope -- I couldn'ta done a better job myself!'

"There's a rumour that someone may be resigning today."

Henry couldn't help but have doubts about the future of the company.

"Of course, I'm not suggesting that you should also bail."

A big announcement is coming at work.

"You know how to whistle don't you Steve, you just put your lips together and blow. . . but I wouldn't recommend it."

"Great work on the annual report, John. It's fact-driven, yet delightfully unencumbered by reality!"

At Gossips Anonymous...

When government regulations go too far.

"You'll fit right in. You have a great sense of rumor."