Business Founder Gifts

Your start-up team

'And that's Ed Rayburn, our first CEO, who was, sadly, trapped in amber during the Pleistocene.'

"Our founder was a hippie before selling out to business."

"Our company started 5000 years ago. Back then, we were 'U&R Papyrus'."

Founder of Taxidermy Company

"We're a very, very old firm."

"We never found out what he was referring to: people, precepts or portfolio."

"Stock options for your thoughts."

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

"Actually, she's just a figurehead boss. Our real CEO is an algorithm floating around somewhere in the cloud!"

So which rung are you on my corporate ladder?

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

'I'm judging by your silence Al that you're giving me the green light on the Greenwich project. I just want to say that I admire your leadership. I guess that's why you've been running this company for 20 years.'

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

'A few more years in this job and you'll learn how to delegate stress.'

'How can we solve this problem by eating?'

"Hmmm ... that's interesting. Now, what about ideas that don't suck - do you have any of those?"

'Since I'm new here, let's start by clearning the air. You may have noticed that I'm short for a C.E.O. . .'

Go team!

"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

'The good news is I had a very good year.'

Leadership in the Covid-19 Era

"I suppose just climbing the greasy pole is no longer an option..."

'The downside to my meteoric rise to the top is that I didn't have the opportunity to step on many people.'

'Don't worry. No one else knows what they are doing either.'

Satya Nutella

Yomp Foundation Presentation committee: 'Don't let the gong intimidate you!'

CEO du Jour

"Leadership is all about knowing who to delegate responsibility for all your mistakes."

'Will you kindly remind the rest of the staff that I'm the managing director - not the Godfather!'

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

'Loved your bit on market share, Felton - perfect blend of plausibility and outright deception.'

"You're a genius, Shaw. This is an idea whose copyright has expired."

"My salary app pings when another new male exec at my level is making more than 77% of what I make."