Business Fairy Tales Fan Gifts

'And all the executive board members got lovely big payouts and lived happily ever after!'

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

Sub-prime Bear

"Some idiot spread the rumour that the boss had called in sick! Now look what's happened to the tobacco and coffee stocks!"

"Sir, I have a question that's lunch-related."

'That's it gentlemen, we're broke. Anybody know any good jokes?'

Aladdin and the magic telemarketer lamp. Your first 3 wishes are free!* *By accepting wishes, user agrees to lifetime monthly charges, activation fees, and all applicable taxes.

'You understand, Yomp, it's not me speaking. It's the corporation!'

'And then the bad man from the Securities and Exchange Commission and I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house down!'

'The prince and the princess lived happily ever after on their profits from capital-appreciation funds.'

'I never question your ability. I never even mention it.'

'I'll give you this, Henderson - you're no worse than anyone else.'

"Bad news. The board's decided to cryogenically freeze your department indefinitely."

'I want you guys to be aware that a dog-eat-dog environment works for me.'

"Don't forget, the market will take a sharp downturn on the stroke of midnight."

'It's the perfect job if self-respect isn't a factor.'

"Would you mind repeating my job description?"

'...overall incompetence has begun to level off.'

"You have to follow the guidance on dealing with complaints precisely or else the shredder gets blocked."

"So, what did the boss think of your suggestion we spend more money on truck safety?"

"If you believe, clap your hands. Don't let our IPO die!"

'That's all for now. We'll find out if our hero emerges from Chapter 11 tomorrow.'

"Oh, I'm sorry, Berger. I must have accidentally pressed the 'Sycophant' button."

'I just wish, he had been more direct...

'I guess you lost me, Hank, at the point where we jump to light speed, travel back in time and undo the stupid merger that's causing all of our current problems!'

Business Fairy Tales.

"It's a generational thing, … You're not generating any revenue."

'It's time you had a key to the executive washroom, Henderson - Be sure to lock up when you're done cleaning.'

'First have a seat, Hadley, then tell me your reasons for deserving a salary increase.'

Blind Leading The Blind

"That efficiency expert you hired said I should get rid of you."

"I enjoy being a simple nursery rhyme character but my most satisfying work is as a metaphor for the stock market."

"The stock market hit 50,000 and everyone lived happily ever after."

'Before you nodded off, your last statement was that we need to reinvigorate the company.'

'And what makes you think there's a market for golden eggs?'