Bureaucrazy Navigator Gifts

'Sorry, absolutely no exceptions.'

"It's a great shame, she's got masses of experience and is obviously highly motivated but she was let down by her lack of interest in very important bits of paper."

'I want to claim for black marker pens.'

"For the last time, we never need the route with the fewest turns."

'That's my 'job security' barometer.'

"Procurement and their stakeholder journey down the procurement pathway... Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"

'Staffers don't report we're managing decline. They report we met our targets and did out job!'

'We can't cut entitlements for federal employees. We're federal employees.'

"Whether we refer to them as lakes or ponds, it's mere semantics."

"Go about a foot and take a right, then it's the second left, no, no ... the third left, then straight …"

"So from the top. If they need urgent help it's form AC/765c, criticl interventions are CV/U657's and..."

"Uh oh, here come more regulations."

'Forget it lads. We've been refused planning permission for this one!'

Pigeon Memos

In/Out.

'Thanks for not asking for a rise.'

"The bad news is that we've had to cut most of the services. . . The good news is that we can now tell people in 23 languages what we don't do anymore!"

"I've been an accountant, an actuary, an advertising exec, an administrator, an architect, an art director, and an auditor, and now I'd like to move on to the B's."

Maps to all the corporate trap doors for sale here!

"The thing about innovation, new ideas and change is that it needs to be carefully considered, vetted and fall within corporate governance before being implemented."

'I've survived here by always maintaining my honesty, integrity, and plausible deniability.'

'Federal Bureau of Technological Compliance - May I help you?'

"I'm sorry, but I don't make the rules around here. But I'd be happy to connect you with any number of people who think they do!"

'These are the people who'll be line managing you.'

People being buried under enormous falling tax credit forms.

"Our first target is to work out what our target is."

Federal Center for the Study of your Tax Return.

'My ambition is to discover the Great American Loophole.'

"It's funny how two intelligent people can have such opposite interpretations of the tax code!"

'We're to spend more time engaging with patients on a more compassionate 'human' level...and here are the guidelines on how to do it!'

'Individually we could do nothing. So we formed a committee which determined nothing could be done.'

"Your appointment's been cancelled. You took too long filling out those forms."

"No, this is the department for obfuscation, hindrance, confusion and prevarication...you want the department for sophistry, incomprehension, fudging and evasiveness!!"

"I have a brief statement, a clarification, and two denials."

The bureaucrat on his way to work...