Bureaucracy Navigators Gifts

'We're to spend more time engaging with patients on a more compassionate 'human' level...and here are the guidelines on how to do it!'

'I knew I never should've sent in that darned census form!'

"I didn't get to see the doctor. The office closed before I finished filling out the 'New Patient' forms."

'It's from the PCT...they want us to reduce bullying in the practice or they're going to cut our funding and send someone around to kick out A****'

'Yes, it is a stressful job.'

'I asked why my Social Security check was late, and they transferred me to a number in Beijing.'

'Our improved customer satisfaction is offset by lower government satisfaction.'

"Tell the vice presidents they've downsized enough."

"Do you have a minute, Bob? I'd like to speak with you about the concept of 'leadership'."

'I want to discuss communication clarity.'

"You need to stop taking your work home with you. Take mine instead."

'She finally made employee of the month but she paid the ultimate price.'

'That's my 'job security' barometer.'

'Staffers don't report we're managing decline. They report we met our targets and did out job!'

"Procurement and their stakeholder journey down the procurement pathway... Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"

'Yes, I occasionally make mistakes but, unlike you, I never have to acknowledge them.'

'We can't cut entitlements for federal employees. We're federal employees.'

Change of management - warning about revolving door policy

'I need you to be more MORE DECISIVE when agreeing with me.'

Painter removes 'wet paint' sign from park bench and replaces it with a 'dry paint' sign.

"So that is unanimous then - nobody has a clue what to do."

"Uh oh, here come more regulations."

"Ah, you'll be wanting our red tape department, third door on the left!"

'They've dealyed our IPO so long that we've gone from intending to open a chain of pre-schools to opening a chain of nursing homes.'

"The thing about innovation, new ideas and change is that it needs to be carefully considered, vetted and fall within corporate governance before being implemented."

Liberties: civil and uncivil.

"The bad news is that we've had to cut most of the services. . . The good news is that we can now tell people in 23 languages what we don't do anymore!"

In/Out.

Maps to all the corporate trap doors for sale here!

"Duct tape fixes leaks in the office, too."

"A word to the wise..or is it a word from the wise? I always get it mixed up."

"Just identifying weak members of the herd."

'The dept. of agriculture says yes, the environmental protection agency says maybe, and the food and drug administration says no.'

'I've survived here by always maintaining my honesty, integrity, and plausible deniability.'

'Federal Bureau of Technological Compliance - May I help you?'