Bureaucratic Explorer Gifts

'The Benefits Agency is prepared to be flexible, but only under certain limited, clearly defined circumstances...'

A paperwork machine spews endless paperwork

'Ok, I'm in a paperwork mood. Let 'er rip.'

'I want to claim for black marker pens.'

Deskboxes: 'LATE' and 'NEVER'.

'That's my 'job security' barometer.'

Bureau to cut back on bureaucratic paperwork...

"We're to stop talking about 'budget cuts'. Apparently it's depressing for staff and clients..."

'Staffers don't report we're managing decline. They report we met our targets and did out job!'

"Ticket and passport, please."

"Procurement and their stakeholder journey down the procurement pathway... Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"

'The Federal Government today authorized a ten-year study of all its five-year studies.'

'We can't cut entitlements for federal employees. We're federal employees.'

Painter removes 'wet paint' sign from park bench and replaces it with a 'dry paint' sign.

"So from the top. If they need urgent help it's form AC/765c, criticl interventions are CV/U657's and..."

"Uh oh, here come more regulations."

NHS targets.

"Ah, you'll be wanting our red tape department, third door on the left!"

'The government is telling us to get rid of 43% of meaningless targets within the next 6 months!'

"What's this? Now we have to hunt, gather and collate?"

"The bad news is that we've had to cut most of the services. . . The good news is that we can now tell people in 23 languages what we don't do anymore!"

MI5 Press Office

Liberties: civil and uncivil.

'All ninteen layers of management agree: We have to cut some of our frontline employees if we're to stay competitive.'

'In... out... in... out... in... out... in...?!'

"The thing about innovation, new ideas and change is that it needs to be carefully considered, vetted and fall within corporate governance before being implemented."

In/Out.

'The dept. of agriculture says yes, the environmental protection agency says maybe, and the food and drug administration says no.'

'The trouble with you doctors is that you don't really understand what the NHS is for.'

Director: US Space Research.

'Federal Bureau of Technological Compliance - May I help you?'

Excessive Paperwork

People being buried under enormous falling tax credit forms.

"Our first target is to work out what our target is."

I filed my tax return electronically, to speed things up. Sure enough, I got audited in record time.