Bullpen Banterist Gifts

'Thank you for calling the bullpen,,, To continue in English, Press one,,,'

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

'Yak, yak, yak.'

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

'Foster's here, regarding his raise sir. Shall I have him crawl in now, or let him sweat a while?'

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

"Oh Gregori! You tell such funny stories!"

'You've got us backward. I'm Vinnie, and my short and subtle brother is Vignette.'

Footballer holding team mates bum while preparing for a penalty shoot out

"Meanwhile in Dogtown... Put your tongue back in your mouth. And pull up your pants. That’s not what your mom said last night."

"Have you heard of Murphy's Law 2.0? It's anything that could possibly go wrong often does...as well as a thing or two that couldn't possibly go wrong."

I conduct comprehensive surveys - I ask my girlfriend.

"I work from home because I can’t stand the sight of idiots." "Is that why you got rid of all our mirrors?"

"Don’t worry. You’re looking at the Frederick H. Tuttle Middle School long-jump champion."

The Art of Bantering!

"Hey Eric. Do you think they're silicone implants?"

"You're not helping the methane problem, you know."

'You're looking well.'

"I was listening at the door and I overheard the nickname they have for me."

"Yes, you look presentable. Now get on!"

"Let's go bowling and keep on bowling until the people who regulate bowling say it isn't bowling any more!"

'Do you mean I leave a lot to be desired bad, or a lot to be desired good?'

'Sorry, I only drink still wines. I don't have the patience to wait for bubbles to pop.'

"It's the drink talking"

"I don't know—my gut tells me I should have another beer."

We're prepared to offer you a starting salary in the low six figures...if you count the decimal.

'Of course my wife understands me-that's why she's divorcing me!'

"You mock, sir—you mock a sport storied and beloved. I, sir, pity you."