Bugged Chef Gifts

'I'm afraid I'll have to close you down. Your kitchen is infested with greenfly.'

LAY ZEE FUK

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

Halloween may be a little different this year.

Barbeque Casualty.

'Does this thing get channel four.'

"More helium."

"Fridge-to-table"

"Don't hold back on the toad legs now - I'm through with Nouvelle Cuisine!"

Zika Epidemic

"I was supposed to rinse them first? So, you're telling me somebody designed a machine to wash dishes, but we're supposed to make sure we wash the dishes before we put them in the machine?"

'I'm tired - let's outsource dinner tonight.'

"We upped the protein by simply factoring in the permissible level of insect parts."

'The casserole didn't make it.'

'Chef told me I had to have guard before I used the mixer!'

"Do you like eye of newt in your Mac 'n' Cheese?"

"I'm here to fix the lasagne."

"Oh, how nice. You're just in time to cut the vegetables,"

Witches in kitchen, sign for man says 'Your dinner's in the coven'.

"I swear, you won't be able to tell the difference, plus, turkey eye of newt is much healthier for you."

'Hell's Kitchen/God's Pantry'

'Chefs, the secret ingredient for tonight's competition is - wing of bat!'

"Well, we went through the fruit and veg, and thought we should try something more exotic - like the space-time continuum."

"...And would madam like the snail porridge?"

"So if I replace all the ingredients with sand I should be okay."

"Whoa! That's a lot of flame, Beth. I'll pick up a fire extinguisher on my way back from the gym."

'..or do you think we should go with this one?'

"Yes. That was great. . . but the real miracle is how my mom can feed us for over a week on Thanksgiving leftovers!"

The Wokking Dead

Sushi Spinoffs

"You're the only man I know who can clean a filthy cooker with two slices of bread."

"Guys, I'm cutting back on the seed. It's summer. Eat some bugs."

Recipes from The I-Seriously-Don't-Care Cookbook.

"How did you know we were having pancake flambe again?"

'That new recipe didn't quite work out. Do you fancy popping down to the chippy?'