Bugged Chef Pillows

'I'm afraid I'll have to close you down. Your kitchen is infested with greenfly.'

LAY ZEE FUK

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

Halloween may be a little different this year.

'I can't wait 'til hunting is googling and gathering is calling out for delivery.'

Barbeque Casualty.

'Does this thing get channel four.'

"More helium."

"Fridge-to-table"

"I was supposed to rinse them first? So, you're telling me somebody designed a machine to wash dishes, but we're supposed to make sure we wash the dishes before we put them in the machine?"

Zika Epidemic

'I'm tired - let's outsource dinner tonight.'

'The casserole didn't make it.'

"We upped the protein by simply factoring in the permissible level of insect parts."

"Don't hold back on the toad legs now - I'm through with Nouvelle Cuisine!"

'Chef told me I had to have guard before I used the mixer!'

"Do you like eye of newt in your Mac 'n' Cheese?"

"I'm here to fix the lasagne."

Witches in kitchen, sign for man says 'Your dinner's in the coven'.

"I swear, you won't be able to tell the difference, plus, turkey eye of newt is much healthier for you."

"Oh, how nice. You're just in time to cut the vegetables,"

'Chefs, the secret ingredient for tonight's competition is - wing of bat!'

"Well, we went through the fruit and veg, and thought we should try something more exotic - like the space-time continuum."

'Hell's Kitchen/God's Pantry'

"...And would madam like the snail porridge?"

"Whoa! That's a lot of flame, Beth. I'll pick up a fire extinguisher on my way back from the gym."

'..or do you think we should go with this one?'

"So if I replace all the ingredients with sand I should be okay."

The Wokking Dead

"Yes. That was great. . . but the real miracle is how my mom can feed us for over a week on Thanksgiving leftovers!"

Sushi Spinoffs

"You're the only man I know who can clean a filthy cooker with two slices of bread."

"Guys, I'm cutting back on the seed. It's summer. Eat some bugs."

"The vet said if he's not eating I should warm up his dog food a little.'

"How did you know we were having pancake flambe again?"