Budget-savvy Scholar Gifts

Locker Tax.

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

"These are the principal qualities we're looking for in our new recruits."

"I want a top education, but don't milk me dry with school fees."

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

BMA criticises 'Black Hole' of NHS IT spending

"No one can afford to eat us anymore."

'Before we unload him, he'd like a written price support.'

Husband dismayed to get cold mutton for dinner again. Wife comments that someone must be economical on the housekeeping money she is given.

'It's the only way I can afford this place.'

"Wow, they want $10,000!"

Low income vampires.

"Why doesn't the budget ax ever fall in the produce department?"

Affordable housing

A Room (with adequate light and ventilation, no psychotic neighbors, near a grocery store, in a halfway-decent building in an O.K. neighborhood [not Queens, please God] for under $2000 a month) of One's Own

"Natasha cuts diagnosis costs."

"Our goal is to make prices so low that even our employees could shop here."

'I'd like to stay and watch. It usually cuts the bill by 30%.'

'This is what telemedicine looks like for a small practice like ours.'

One upside-down tomato planter. I can't wait for juicy, free tomatoes. It's $23.37 with tax. Not bad for homegrown tomahtas. Plus $8 for potting soil, $15 for the hanger, $11 for organic fertilizer, $16 � Hey! � Where are you going? To the "Pick and Save" market.

"Even though it's an honorary degree, we have to bill you for 4 years of tuition."

'I don't care if this security software was a bargain; it shouldn't reply with 'close enough' when I enter the wrong password.'

'The good news is these grades are not good enough for me to get into an expensive college.'

'Of course, for the compact budget we offer the Shelterette Programme.'

'Bring me a nice bottle of something that'll impress the lady, for under a fiver.'

"Your meat is too expensive. Aren't you passing your 'free range' savings onto the customer?"

"Nope, still can't afford to buy it."

Woman looking at "Get Well" cards which have been divided into two sections: "Insured" and "Uninsured".

"Budget cuts mean that we've had to sell the atomic force microscope."

Your last chance to afford petrol.

'I'm on a fixed income, so these free offers are most welcome.'

"I don't need a second opinion, but I'm going to shop around for a better price."

Home schooling recomended

'We've had to lay off most of the nurses to pay for the locums...'

"Drinking fountains were too expensive to install, but we are providing a garden hose to drink from."