Budget-friendly Date Gifts

First dates are the worst. You get all dolled up - and for what?

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

"He doesn't fiscally stimulate me anymore."

"I always say; 'You don't need to spend a lot of money to have a good time on a first date."

"I'd like an engagement ring that proclaims my uncompromising love - for under fifty bucks."

'All I said was,two could live as cheaply as one until you gave up dieting.'

'At these prices I won't be able to say much!'

'What will it cost me for you to elope?'

Valentine's day skinflint.

"Well if bread's free, and gravy's free, how about bread and gravy?"

"The plane will cost $269 million per unit... a little less if we forego the cup holders."

'I've asked Santa for a tank of unleaded petrol.'

'Ask for a glass from the largest bottle. You'll get more that way.'

The cost of Halloween.

"Please tell me it's a local call..."

"Our water bill is sky high. You've got to start taking shorter showers."

'We only want small portions. I'm counting my calories and he's counting his pennies.'

'Can't be high-maintenance, but she must have class. Economy class.'

"Let's talk about how we're not all going to buy anything this fall."

'I'm looking for some pre-owned pants. Long as they fit, I don't much care whose they were.'

Organic or Toxic - It depends what you can afford.

'Where is the cheapest place to get a beer?'

"We're staying in and watching the stars again?"

Excess Baggage: Many hotels, inspired by the airlines, are gouging their guests by adding 'resort fees' to the room rates.

"Thats where the party budget ran out."

'As you know, medical costs have skyrocketed -- that'll be fifty cents.'

'This second prescription is to calm you down after you see the cost of the first one.'

Which wine will go well with a limited expense account?

"Uninsured? That needn't be a problem. We can refer you to a very fine doctor in Ottawa."

'Motels are pretty expensive, Melanie -- Why don't we go to a parking garage?'

'I'm on the inflation diet. Every week I spend the same amount of money and come home with less food!'

Man astounded by his invoice

"He's talking about you, you know."

'Unless you rob a bank or get a raise in the next 5 minutes, there's nothing here we can afford.'

'You know what a tightwad Howie was. He was thrilled when he found out he could save 60 percent on a cemetery plot if he was buried vertically.'