Cheap Date Strategist Gifts

'Ask for a glass from the largest bottle. You'll get more that way.'

'I sent out for everything.'

Colour Version: Living by the Clock

Wine Selection 'Here we are. Our cheapest house wine. Would the gentleman care to smell the twisty cap?'

"He keeps reissuing everything I take issue with."

"What I’ve learned is you have to look deep inside your heart and ask yourself, ‘What is it that she really wants to hear?’"

'I don't like Gerald as a person, but I like him as a concept.'

"Listen to me, Nathan. Chicks love bad boys."

'Thanks for coming to this 12.01 appointment, but I'm afraid my 12.02 has now arrived.'

Colin could see that his competitor had obviously done his market research.

"Instead of making a long-term commitment to marriage, I've decided to lease a man."

Planned Parenthood: Not Tonight Dear. I Have a Headache.

A man reads a book called 'Opening Lines' while a woman reads a book called 'Brush Offs'.

'Thanks for inviting me round to watch tv. Where is it?'

'It was so romantic. He got down on one knee, showed me the ring, and proposed--right after we exchanged credit reports.'

"I don't know whether to love you or leave you - but then that's the reality of arbitrage."

The date was going well. She was better looking, but he was about to gain the nutritional edge.

Dating the efficiency expert.

Workaholics Anonymous - Hourly General Meeting

If you are ringing your coach to ask about your next move then we're finished.

'Unlike Wall Street, with its strict rules regulating insider trading, 'Love Street' remains un-regulated, and I'm pleases to let you know now, before the official announcement, that the position of Rolf Fusco's girlfriend is open.'

Romantic Coffee Dates

Institutions Controlling Money

"I haven't had smouldering, passionate sex for a while....could you put it in the diary for next week!"

'First, you have to stop treating your husband like a child.'

Marriage counselor, living together counselor or a just screwing around counselor.

"You have a major fiasco at 10:30, followed by a shocking scandal at 2:15."

"No, I don't think our marriage would benefit from a mission statement."

Being the gentleman he was, Brian insisted on paying in restaurants even though he suddenly realised that dating a bacterium was going to be more expensive than he first thought.

'By proposing a merger instead of marriage, we can deduct this meal as a business expense.'

"I can't cook, but I can pay."

Life Tetris

Don't let your your evil twin be your wingman when trying to pick up a woman in a bar.