Budget-conscious Navigator Pillows

'When you said foster carers were to be treated like other professionals, we didn't think you meant cutting our budgets and increasing our workloads.'

"Ninety-nine dollars, plus closing costs and gratuity."

'Well we don't have to worry about paying for the boat anymore.This is our final notice.'

GAS PRICES AT PUMP

"We're off. We got a loan to fill er up!"

'Can I ask you what you've had to eat this morning, Sir? . . .Have you evacuated your bowels since then? . . . I'm afraid I'll have to charge you for the additional weight.'

I think I can...

You Know You're Old When...

"No one can afford to eat us anymore."

'With the price of petrol, I had to take on a second job to pay for the petrol to drive to my first job!'

"We'd better NOT fill up on Earth - I've heard it's very expensive!"

'If the 750ml and th 375ml of the '82 Beaumont are too pricey, how about their Merlot-scented auto air freshener? -- Only 99 cents.'

Low income vampires.

"I'm finding this model very economical!"

Affordable housing

'Well, you did insist that our travel agent find the cheapest tickets to Hawaii.'

A Room (with adequate light and ventilation, no psychotic neighbors, near a grocery store, in a halfway-decent building in an O.K. neighborhood [not Queens, please God] for under $2000 a month) of One's Own

Carcinogenic/Non-carcinogenic.

"Our goal is to make prices so low that even our employees could shop here."

Gas price rollercoaster.

'Boss, when fuel prices go down, will we go back to using our corporate jet again?'

Good vision? Save Money - Tiny Type Books.

'Where is the cheapest place to get a beer?'

"Your meat is too expensive. Aren't you passing your 'free range' savings onto the customer?"

Excess Baggage: Many hotels, inspired by the airlines, are gouging their guests by adding 'resort fees' to the room rates.

"Nope, still can't afford to buy it."

'I'm on a fixed income, so these free offers are most welcome.'

Bill Er Indoors.