Budget-conscious Navigator Gifts

'When you said foster carers were to be treated like other professionals, we didn't think you meant cutting our budgets and increasing our workloads.'

"Ninety-nine dollars, plus closing costs and gratuity."

'Well we don't have to worry about paying for the boat anymore.This is our final notice.'

GAS PRICES AT PUMP

"We're off. We got a loan to fill er up!"

'Can I ask you what you've had to eat this morning, Sir? . . .Have you evacuated your bowels since then? . . . I'm afraid I'll have to charge you for the additional weight.'

Underwater on the Car

I think I can...

'At least someone can afford to travel by train.'

You Know You're Old When...

"No one can afford to eat us anymore."

'With the price of petrol, I had to take on a second job to pay for the petrol to drive to my first job!'

Rx. Warning: May cause sudden loss of income.

Al's Kwiki-Fix Garage. Why is it that when you guys "run over the estimate", you're never backing up? (Published previously on 1/24/2000.)

"We'd better NOT fill up on Earth - I've heard it's very expensive!"

Affordable housing

Low income vampires.

'If the 750ml and th 375ml of the '82 Beaumont are too pricey, how about their Merlot-scented auto air freshener? -- Only 99 cents.'

"I'm finding this model very economical!"

'Well, you did insist that our travel agent find the cheapest tickets to Hawaii.'

A Room (with adequate light and ventilation, no psychotic neighbors, near a grocery store, in a halfway-decent building in an O.K. neighborhood [not Queens, please God] for under $2000 a month) of One's Own

Carcinogenic/Non-carcinogenic.

G.P.S. for Poor Math Students

"Our goal is to make prices so low that even our employees could shop here."

Gas price rollercoaster.

"This is my final offer: you get 18% and a kind word on Yelp."

'Boss, when fuel prices go down, will we go back to using our corporate jet again?'

'Granted, the burros are a lot slower than chair lifts. But for a quarter the price of a regular lift ticket, I'm all for it.'

Kwiki-Fix Garage. With add-on charges, the sum is much greater than the parts.

Good vision? Save Money - Tiny Type Books.

One upside-down tomato planter. I can't wait for juicy, free tomatoes. It's $23.37 with tax. Not bad for homegrown tomahtas. Plus $8 for potting soil, $15 for the hanger, $11 for organic fertilizer, $16 � Hey! � Where are you going? To the "Pick and Save" market.

"Nope, still can't afford to buy it."

'I'm on a fixed income, so these free offers are most welcome.'

'Where is the cheapest place to get a beer?'

Excess Baggage: Many hotels, inspired by the airlines, are gouging their guests by adding 'resort fees' to the room rates.