Buddhist Believers Gifts

I've lost faith in everything, Randy. I feel like a tiny raft drifting in a stormy sea. There is no up. There is no down. There entire foundation of the world is made of flimsy tissue paper. Maybe the Buddhists are right. Maybe nothing is really real at all. Internet going down for a few hours last week isn't that big a deal, little buddy. Yes, it really is.

"Son, it's time you learned the benefits of sitting around doing nothing."

"They must be grown-up ducks, because they're eating the crusts too."

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

"And these are the Fab Four Noble Truths."

'Don't just sit there thinking. Meditate.'

'Oh, crap.'

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama?" "That's right." "What's right?" "Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama." "Why are you asking me?"

Zenemies.

"Are you not thinking what I'm not thinking?"

"Try picking up a girl after you've renounced everything."

"Showoff"

"I guess now's as good a time as any."

"Hey, no problem. I am one with multiple tasks."

'Do you believe in reincarnation?' - 'I don't now, but I did when I was Napoleon.'

'I'll be back in three or four months - Hold that thought.'

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

'We've got truth, we've got enlightenment, and we've got serenity - what we NEED is media coverage.'

When Buddha came to nirvana.

Buddhist photo albums,

'He hasn't been the same since the Goodyear blimp sneaked up behind him.'

"Did you unpack your baggage yourself?"

Give up all my possessions? Did I say Buddhist? I meant Boatist. I'm a boatist.

"Hoarder."

'The trouble is, once you've attained enlightenment, it's all downhill.'

'Please join me now in a group meditation.'

Zenboni

Om and Ommer

'We've got truth, we've got enlightenment, and we've got serenity - what we NEED is media coverage.'

"When was your last meta-physical?"

"I would kill for your metabolism."

"That's the Ommbudsman."

"I'm having trouble with my long-term memory -- I can't remember my earlier reincarnations."