Buddhist Gifts

'I consider the Buddha to be a living document.'

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

'Don't just sit there thinking. Meditate.'

Zenemies.

"Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama?" "That's right." "What's right?" "Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama." "Why are you asking me?"

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"Are you not thinking what I'm not thinking?"

"Try picking up a girl after you've renounced everything."

"Showoff"

"Hey, no problem. I am one with multiple tasks."

'I'll be back in three or four months - Hold that thought.'

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

'Do you believe in reincarnation?' - 'I don't now, but I did when I was Napoleon.'

'We've got truth, we've got enlightenment, and we've got serenity - what we NEED is media coverage.'

Buddhist photo albums,

When Buddha came to nirvana.

'He hasn't been the same since the Goodyear blimp sneaked up behind him.'

Give up all my possessions? Did I say Buddhist? I meant Boatist. I'm a boatist.

"Hoarder."

'The trouble is, once you've attained enlightenment, it's all downhill.'

'Please join me now in a group meditation.'

Zenboni

"You can tell us the sound of one hand clapping here, or you can tell us downtown."

'We've got truth, we've got enlightenment, and we've got serenity - what we NEED is media coverage.'

"I'm having trouble with my long-term memory -- I can't remember my earlier reincarnations."

"I would kill for your metabolism."

"That's the Ommbudsman."

"When was your last meta-physical?"