Buddhist Gifts

'I consider the Buddha to be a living document.'

ME, MEDITATING ON NO-SELF

"Son, it's time you learned the benefits of sitting around doing nothing."

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

"And these are the Fab Four Noble Truths."

'Don't just sit there thinking. Meditate.'

'Oh, crap.'

"Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama?" "That's right." "What's right?" "Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama." "Why are you asking me?"

Zenemies.

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"Are you not thinking what I'm not thinking?"

"Try picking up a girl after you've renounced everything."

"Showoff"

"I guess now's as good a time as any."

"Hey, no problem. I am one with multiple tasks."

'I'll be back in three or four months - Hold that thought.'

'Do you believe in reincarnation?' - 'I don't now, but I did when I was Napoleon.'

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

When Buddha came to nirvana.

Buddhist photo albums,

'We've got truth, we've got enlightenment, and we've got serenity - what we NEED is media coverage.'

'He hasn't been the same since the Goodyear blimp sneaked up behind him.'

"Did you unpack your baggage yourself?"

Give up all my possessions? Did I say Buddhist? I meant Boatist. I'm a boatist.

"Hoarder."

'The trouble is, once you've attained enlightenment, it's all downhill.'

'Please join me now in a group meditation.'

"You can tell us the sound of one hand clapping here, or you can tell us downtown."

Zenboni

'We've got truth, we've got enlightenment, and we've got serenity - what we NEED is media coverage.'

Om and Ommer

"That's the Ommbudsman."

"I would kill for your metabolism."

"I'm having trouble with my long-term memory -- I can't remember my earlier reincarnations."