Broadway Actor Gifts

'Forgettable' - The Hit Musical

"Well, we've for the melody down now, but I'm still not sure about the part where it goes, '...and they call the wind Dorcas Schnickelbaum.'"

Shepherd and eurydice

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"To torture an insect or not to torture an insect, that is the question."

"Bond James, Bond."

They hated me.

"Just be yourself."

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

"These aren’t the droids you’re looking for."

Showbiz Awards

In his younger days Spock was quite the comedian.

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

Benedict Cumberbatch

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

'Believing any filming experience may help launch acting careers, some even stage their appearances before closed circuit cameras.'

12 O'clock was 'I'm a tractor time.'

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

"How long will we, the descendants of wolves, be content with table scraps and belly rubs?"

A fairy with wand and crown in pink tutu

'They all want to play the star.'

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

"God, I hope no one asks me to sing."

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish

'How are the ventriloquist lessons going?'

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

"Don't worry - I'm here for the television."

"Welcome to Off-Off-Off Broadway."

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

"Extreme miming"

Shakespeare does stand-up comedy in the round.

'Hamlet'

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."