Broadway Performer Gifts

Trump! The Musical

Jane Krakowski

Cole Porter Prison: "Night and day, spike, you are the one")

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

They hated me.

Showbiz Awards

Open mike night presents Sadie Cohen. Summer's almost over

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

"God, I hope no one asks me to sing."

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

"We're following Carrot Top."

"After the show, I'll be autographing any computer or phone screens where my albums are streamed."

"I had a fear of speaking in front of people, which is why I shadow puppet and sing the lessons."

"This next one is called 'The Sermon on the Mount.'"

Pirate

"I wrote this next song about my cat. It's called 'Please stop rubbing your face against my computer screen when I'm trying to watch Narcos.'"

"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."

Owing to a clerical error, Luciano Pavarotti receives kudus instead of kudos for his performance as the Duke of Mantua.

"An actor, you say? Guess you caught the acting-like-a-waiter bug."

George Michael

"Smile when you say that, pardner."

Cow Show Tunes

'I guess it's not much consolation but I thought your impersonation of the King was a riot.'

Fish, singing: 'I'm a sole man..'

"I'm the only sane artist in the world."

"I can't believe he brought her."

Clown waits for 'Happy Hour' to begin.

'Play it again, Sam.'

"This next one is my own quirky rendition of Berlioz's 'Symphonie Fantastique,' Movement 5, 'Dream of a Witches' Sabbath.'"

'What? You ate the gateau instead of throwing it into my face?? You insensitive, egotistical brute! You don't love me anymore!'

Emily Dickinson: Mime - "I think she's saying something about death."

Tuning Up for the Air Guitar Competition

"Bravo!"

"And now, for your entertainment, I will drink a glass of water while Rempert, here, remains eerily silent."

Jazz is Invented