Breastfeeding Warrior Pillows

'I really don't like breast-feeding, but it's really good therapy for her.'

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

Mom, there's a simple explanation for this...Aliens from outer space.

"My kid's a holy terror... no offense."

Well, we thought we had childproofed the house

'We'll need lots of nappy changes today, the T. V. just said it's going to be wet and windy.'

"That's it young man. . . No more energy drinks for you!"

'Stop pulling that silly face, Dear.'

"But if I don't break stuff who will?"

'I'm not spoiled - I always smell like this.'

'If you take this job, you will need child care... that's my second job.'

"Has your mom tried turning him off and back on again?"

'Tommy's doing fine. I'm concerned about your poor fund-raising record. You sold only two magazine subscriptions and one measly candy bar.'

'You've got the Vietnam 1000 yard stare. All new parents get it!'

That's my daughter, Alayna

Buggy with Snowplow.

'Beware of teething baby.'

Woman telling her husband not to swear in front of the baby.

"No, our company doesn't provide day care or maternity leave."

'That never gets old.'

Woman feeding baby is covered in food.

'Hey, Dad. We learned all about the Kama Sutra at school today... Oh no, not the Kama Sutra, I mean The Magna Carta.'

"No, I wasn't in a car accident. As a new parent, I'm still trying not to trip on all the toys on the floor."

"'Parent' should always be an action verb."

"Good luck Mr. Bond, you have one minute to diffuse this tantrum."

"Being a parent is like being in prison. . . except we don't get the hour of exercise."

Pinata good bags.

"Jackson Pollock's diaper"

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

'It's Mrs. O'Hara...the one whose due date was 37 days ago...she's angry.'

"Puffiness and dark circles under the eyes, sniffles, trouble sleeping, rashes...you don't have allergies...you have children."

'It's easy for you to climb the corporate ladder, you just lay your eggs and leave: No need for Maternity Leave!'

"Cut down on the Ho-Ho's."

'These are very powerful tranquilizers for when your teen has he horrific tantrums. Take two of them anytime she flares up.'