Breastfeeding Buff Pillows

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

'Don't worry. It's never too hot or never too cold.'

"The water changes them back into babies. I think they call it the Fountain of Youth."

"He's such a fussy eater."

A Tit for Tat.

Fitness Programme for babies

Men explained.

"I told him he should have trained more."

'Cracked nipple? But I didn't even drop you.'

Maternity Unit - 'Congratulations! It's a midwife!'

'Have a heart, officer... the little mite is starving!'

A baby being christened in a scuba mask.

Moms gone wild

"I'll give you 15 minutes, no biting."

'All I want for Christmas is my old shape back again.'

Gym. Instructor. Why do you want to learn kickboxing? I've always wanted to win a fight hands down!

"'Routine examination' were the only two words in the doctor's mind when he placed the stethoscope on..."

'If you're happy to demand feed we'll get along just fine.'

Mike had learnt by heart the whole training manual, apart from the most important bit.

'This training session is all about challenging assumptions. For example you see someone looking depressed, dishevelled, unkempt it's easy to jump to conclusions. But they may not be a social worker, they may be a client!'

'Breasts can be so rude. So often they start without me.'

'This might be a good time to discuss a few grievances.'

"Gotta love happy hour!"

No bottle feeding.

'Young players have a tendency to forget fundamentals over the winter.'

'I never know how much to leave for lunch.'

Breastfeeding

'My wife, my rancher, his artificial insemination device!'

Today's seminar is going to be so much fun...

"I trust I don't get them mixed up. The midwife will be weraing a badge. Mum will be wearing a sigh of relief."

'Do you have a reservation?'

'No offence. The other breast and I seemed to click.'

'One small tooth for me...one giant worry for you.'

'It's no use he just doesn't understand the let-down reflex!'

Terry Wogan