Breakfast Satire Lovers Gifts

Menu From The Luxury Home of Pancakes

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

Life is for the birds.

"Like I could date a guy from Notre Dame."

'The good news is I had a very good year.'

U of Debt

"See..? We told you there was nothing there..."

"Just give me your wallet. Trust me, you do not want to deal with my misplaced sense of entitlement."

Cord cutter

Joe's 'Take Responsibility For Your Own Actions' Bar.

"She wishes to range free!"

'Due to government surveillance, is my allowance taxable?'

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

So I guess the moral of Hansel and Gretel is always carry your cell phone!

"What's wrong with swallowing up other companies?"

"The little engine that could... after taking advantage of family connections, a trust fund, working two years for free as an intern, and finally getting hired as an independent contractor."

Next gen pregnancy tests.

"Where we lack in productivity is made up by extremely low employee turnover."

"She's a miniature."

'It's a boy. He's healthy and coming along fine, but he may be a little crnkt at birth owing to his claustrophobia. He will have feminine tendencies but is not actually gay. In fact, he'll eventually develop a taste for hard liquor and trashy women...'

"C'mon people! All for me and me for me!"

'Does it bother anyone else that our entire business is based on one questionable product?'

"...our Annual Report has been criticised for lack of clarity - well done!"

"Remember, education pays, unless you end up an adjunct - like me."

"Your taxes,pension and health deductions have exceeded your wages - here's your bill."

'And she's got to have implants out to here.'

Limerick On A Grecian Urn

Police film evidence

"It's either the Ten Commandments or the Mueller Report."