Breakfast Banter Buddy Pillows

Goldilocks and the three hairs.

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

Peach flirting with a banana.

"I think it stopped breathing."

'Coffee must wear you out. They're always sleepy when they drink it.'

Have you got your make up on yet?

"You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!"

'Ted, isn't it about time you sorted out your deer-gut?'

'I was in the right place at the right time once, and then I realized it wasn't ME.'

'I want a big breakfast.. there are a lot of contended female cats in the neighborhood this morning.'

"'Ere, mate - you look like a right muppett..!"

'You say the pains in my left leg are caused by old age. But doctor my right leg is just as old and it doesn't hurt at all!'

'It was a gift.'

"When's the last time you shaved, little buddy?"

'You seem grumpy ... have you heard about the benefits of bran in the morning?'

'I don't know much about Art, but i can tell you all about his wife.'

"When life gives me lemons, I know twenty-six ways to kill a man with a lemon."

'Did you spill my pint?'

Bed or breakfast.

'Do you know the Lincolnshire poacher?'

"You know all the best pubs for lunch, Seamus."

'Blah, blah, blah....'

'This corn's got dandruff.'

"I tell the truth, and sometimes it's funny."

"We've been married so long you not only finish my sentences you start 'em too."

The market must be up

"At our age I figure we only have two taste buds left. One for vodka and one for wine."

'Well, I'd say this calls for a toast!'