Break Room Guru Gifts

'Right about here I added a drip coffee maker, with high caffeine premium blend coffee, to the employee break room.'

"My email is down... talk to me."

'These are job perks.'

'Would you all please congatulate...'

"I go that extra mile!"

"All this namby pamby nonsense about stress...I've been stressed for YEARS and it's never done ME any harm... " "But you're only 25!"

'A representative will be with you in twelve minutes... so, if you have to go to the bathroom, please go now...'

Bishops Snooker

"Whoa! One last doughnut left."

'I wanted shorter hours, so he cut my breaks.'

"I think somebody thinks I've been away from my desk too long."

'This makes things very messy. He's claiming he programmed the lunchroom toaster to do muffins.'

"Daddy needs to relax. He spent another long day at work extolling the virtues of his stand up desk."

Isn't that a surveillance camera?

Mattress sale

What an attitude... Yes, but he does the job brilliantly.

"It's the break room, Ed. There are people in there, too. I know it's hard, after all that time working from home, but you're going to have to start getting used to them again."

Yeahhhh, I've goofed-off at the fax machine, laser printer, copier, but I'm a traditionist. Nothing beats the watercooler!

"When you called yourself a playboy...."

'Okay, so we're 4 and 8 this season. Take away those 8 losses and we're undefeated!'

"Johnson, what are you doing? It's not time for your break yet."

Drinks: Tea, Coffee, Choco, Scalded Leg, Wet Shoe, Half a Cup, No Cup.

Ways to waste time at work.

'I pretend to work.They pretend to pay me!'

'I think it's time we got rid of the espresso maker.'

"I can never find any change here."

'I've worked out your pro rated holiday leave on the basis that you only put in a couple of hours real work a day.'

"Joey, are you on break again?"

"I'm getting tired of this same old office grind."

'We've run out of paper cups again.'

'Now keep your mouth shut...this is our last ball.'

'I, along with some of the other employees, feel you're abusing the breakroom.'

"If I switched to decaf, I'd lose my edge around the water cooler."

'It appears the best way to be politically correct is to be apolitical.'

"Please make regular coffee in the pot with brown trim and decaffeinated coffee in the pot with orange trim, so people can tell what kind it is. And do not tarry at the vaulted coffee niche."