Braveheart Humorist Gifts

'I don't trust him - he's got beady eyes.'

'Show-off.'

"This is my new country song I wrote about my self-driving truck leaving me..."

"The prostate biopsy shows your pain threshold is much higher than normal."

"Repent" "Give alms" "Resist temptation" "Pray for me" "Fasting" "Acts of service" "Sacrifice" "Abstain" "You are ashes" "You are dust" "No meat"

Thank you, Essential Workers

Phoenix

"Feel my claw of death!"

Barman In Love.

'What's this I hear about you going long?'

'Now that's what I call rejection.'

Caterpillars in love

'Our sales have been uneven but our company has heart.'

"In mitigation, Sunny Chemicals would like to point out that prior to contracting his skin allergy, Mr Crumb was already ugly."

'Doctor Corazon, I'm in love with you. You make my right ventricle go pitter-patter.'

'Hey, Lori! Take a look at Mr. Geckler's EKG!'

'Your left ventricle doesn't know what your right ventricle is doing.'

I heart bypass t-shirt.

"Is it just me, or is it humid up here?"

Welcome Sufferers of Stage Fright

"If we're to have a serious relationship Nigel, you must stop ringing my bell and running away."

"What you smell son is called a cigarette: A sure sign that humans are around and we should flee..."

"I'm thinking of switching to an all vegan diet...based on carrots...mainly carrots..."

Valentines

'Bearnaise sauce again,' he cried. 'I can't bear the thought of it!'

'She kept pinching the Vicar's bum!'

A dog with a heart shaped hole in his body

Surgeon Finds Heart Reading 'Be my Valentine'.

"So I hear you did your own stunts in this movie."

I know you can't forget, but you should learn to forgive...

Tunnel of Love - LGBT Friendly.

"You're an herivore, Bob. An herbivore...And start chewing your food."

William Wallace.

'You can bring Fury in now, Mrs. Caslick.'

"Tick, tick, tick..."