Brand Worshiper Gifts

'And they asked me, 'What's in a name?''

Church for sports worshipers.

Marilyn's Rushmore

'I don't think we're devoted to the Lord. I think we're devoted to dessert.'

"I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp." "Really?" "Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that?" "They post 'reviews' that don't have even a hint of negativity." "Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: 'House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate.'"

'We need to target the rich and stupid.'

"Communion at the contemporary service is scones and coffee."

"Restless spirit, we don't know who or what you are, but thank you for your amazing Wi-Fi, and for keeping the signal strong."

"I just wonder if the brand name is too obvious."

The worship singer suspects someone doesn't appreciate his talent after finding his mic muted for the 3rd time.

'I like it. It's bigger than life.'

'You know, they call me 'Stinkin' rich' because I even have an employee who takes a shower for me every morning!'

"Our brand is about talking about our brand."

"Say what you will about Donald Trump, he's one helluva negotiator."

'I guess you're not from around here. In this region of the country football is in the religion section.'

Jennifer Aniston

Fitness in church.

The most popular Sunday at St Clive's was always the annual 'Blessing of the Smartphones' service.

Brad seizes upon a hot trend in marketing: personal pop-up ads.

Ohm sweet Ohm

"Which free tote goes best?"

"I knew Heaven would be by Chanel."

"Like Facebook, I have also changed our company name so that it will be more clear and transparent to our customers who we are and what we do."

'I don't need a rewards program for my customers, as much as I do a blind faith program for them.'

'You didn't realise she was so expensive? The clue is in the name!'

'Amen will do ... You don't need to do the wave.'

'Money DOES make me happy.'

Crocodile with man logo on polo

"Sorry, but the Wi-Fi password is for tithing church members only."

'I've got an idea. Why don't we just tack on the word 'natural' to our pesticide sprays?'

Apostle shopping at 'Aeroapostle' Store.

Worshiping the TV.

"We had 17 first time viewers on the live stream sermon today." (pastor talking to his wife)

Man in hell reads a sign declaring his eternal damnation.

"I have a taste for luxury."