Brand Worshiper Pillows

'And they asked me, 'What's in a name?''

Church for sports worshipers.

"I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp." "Really?" "Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that?" "They post 'reviews' that don't have even a hint of negativity." "Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: 'House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate.'"

'I don't think we're devoted to the Lord. I think we're devoted to dessert.'

'We need to target the rich and stupid.'

"Communion at the contemporary service is scones and coffee."

"Restless spirit, we don't know who or what you are, but thank you for your amazing Wi-Fi, and for keeping the signal strong."

"I just wonder if the brand name is too obvious."

'You know, they call me 'Stinkin' rich' because I even have an employee who takes a shower for me every morning!'

"Say what you will about Donald Trump, he's one helluva negotiator."

'I like it. It's bigger than life.'

"Our brand is about talking about our brand."

The worship singer suspects someone doesn't appreciate his talent after finding his mic muted for the 3rd time.

Fitness in church.

The most popular Sunday at St Clive's was always the annual 'Blessing of the Smartphones' service.

"I knew Heaven would be by Chanel."

Ohm sweet Ohm

"Which free tote goes best?"

'I don't need a rewards program for my customers, as much as I do a blind faith program for them.'

"Sorry, but the Wi-Fi password is for tithing church members only."

'Amen will do ... You don't need to do the wave.'

'You didn't realise she was so expensive? The clue is in the name!'

Crocodile with man logo on polo

'Money DOES make me happy.'

'I've got an idea. Why don't we just tack on the word 'natural' to our pesticide sprays?'

Apostle shopping at 'Aeroapostle' Store.

Worshiping the TV.

"We had 17 first time viewers on the live stream sermon today." (pastor talking to his wife)

"I have a taste for luxury."

"I'm on Fendi and Prada, and heading toward Louis."