Bored Board Member Gifts

"Tom, this is an ideas meeting, not a planning meeting."

"This meeting will be a success if it's over by...the end of the century."

"The result of our last meeting are impressive: 3 completely solved crossword puzzles, 7 battleship matches, 5 shopping lists, and 26 really funny doodles."

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

'Now that I have your attention...'

"Can I savor this for a few moments? The ball's never been in my court before!"

"Miracles happen, gentlemen, but they don't come cheap."

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

'There's good news and bad news, J. B. - we now control 51% of this corporation's stock!'

'Shhhh. Fido inherited seventy percent of this company.'

"Gentlemen, we're missing a great opportunity by not hitching this company to the current tailspin."

"The meeting will come to order."

"Ok, do we agree the minutes of the last meeting?"

'Since I'm new here, let's start by clearning the air. You may have noticed that I'm short for a C.E.O. . .'

"It's an update from the people tracking us. According to this, we haven't gone anywhere or done anything."

'The good news is I had a very good year.'

"My report to the board was perfect. They did not understand a word of it and now think I'm smarter than them."

Yomp Foundation Presentation committee: 'Don't let the gong intimidate you!'

'We need to change our luck. Let's move our headquarters to Redmond, the home of Microsoft.'

'I am willing to concede that the company has been underperforming of late...'

"Who wants to hear a funny story about the third quarter?"

'The shareholders have voted you off the board. We don't feel you're tough enough. On the bright side, you've won this year's Miss Congeniality award.'

'All those in favor of having anchovies on our pizza will signify by saying aye.'

'Wake me up when he doesn't use a buzzword.'

'I had a thought. Let's scrap everything and start a new fiscal year right now.'

'I heard the Board was talking about kicking you, but I don't know if it's upstairs or out.'

'The cash bonus incentives don't appear to be having the desired results. So, I've hired Rocky, here. He'll be providing the heads of the least productive departments with his own brand of incentive. If you know what I mean.'

'So do you want me to minute that George is dying of boredom and Nigel will rip my head off if I don't stop boring him with my blather?'

'Gentlemen, we need a slogan!'