Board Member Gifts

'Excellent meeting. I loved the quick fixes, the simple solutions, and the easy answers.'

'And, unfortunately, accounting is reporting that 'enough' is no longer enough.'

"The resolution has been made and seconded that we stick our heads in the sand."

"We need to rethink our strategy of hoping the Internet will just go away."

'Who's the designated leaker?'

'What if we don't change at all ... and something magical just happens?'

'Do everything ethically ... within reason, of course.'

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

'Before we start, shall we go round the table, and each share our name and a horrible dark secret from our past.'

'I'd like to give a particularly warm welcome to those of you who are joining us from the southern hemisphere.'

'I fear we may have strayed from the agenda somewhat.'

'It's a simple two-part strategy. First, locate the hills. Then head for them.'

"People, the facts are inescapable. Any ideas on how we can ignore them?"

'Don't worry if you don't know the rules -- we're making it up as we go along ...'

'Before you go any further, let me reiterate that I, for one, see nothing wrong with killing the messenger.'

'This committee will have two functions - to execute my plans and to accept responsibility if they fail.'

'I'd love to add something to this discussion but I have no idea what we're talking about.'

'And no more of those old fashioned ideas, Simms.'

'I have good news and bad news. The problem is, I don't know which is which.'

"First of all, this meeting never happened."

'John's in charge of advising us on ethical matters, but to be honest, I've never had much confidence in him!'

'Therefore, I recommend that we do.'

'My last comment appeared to be inviting feedback. Do not be fooled.'

CEO decides to enroll the board in an apology workshop.

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

'We have good news and bad news. The good news is we've developed a credible spin for the bad news...'

'Here's where you give me non-comprehending nods of approval.'

'I called this emergency meeting to discuss the lack of respect I've been getting around here lately.'

Meeting Agenda.

"The purpose of this meeting is finding someone who will take the blame for my bad decisions."

"I believe the board has successfully achieved its goal of biodiversity."

Dogs reviewing organizational chart - 'Hunter can eat Spanky or Fido, Spanky can eat Spot or Duke,....' and so on.

"What's important is that we learn from what we must never admit happened."

"The Woofs have it."

"Take the severance package, Hayward. The rest of the board wanted a ritual slaying."