Boardroom Junkie Gifts

'Good news: First-quarter profits should be strong and second-quarter prison sentences should be light.'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

"Marshall, somewhere out there, just waiting for us, is a loophole in the system."

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

"Now that I have everyone's attention..."

Bo're'droom

"I'm razzled, but not dazzled."

"Mr. Johnson, Bob is kicking me under the table!"

'Great news this quarter! Losses are up in smoke, profits are high, and we're seeing lots of green!'

'All those in favor of having anchovies on our pizza will signify by saying aye.'

'The good news is, we did as well as expected last quarter. The bad news is, we didn't expect to do too well.'

'I went into that meeting with a hidden agenda and then forgot where I put it.'

'Now that we've defined 'happy deficits' let's try it out on the stockholders.'

'I've given a lot of thought to giving some thought to your latest proposal.'

'Blast it, Peterson -- What's this I hear about you letting our profits trickle down?'

"I see we're going up against the Big Guys."

"Tell the vice presidents they've downsized enough."

"Oh dear...I don't think negotiations are going too well..."

'To close the deal, I had to make some minor concessions.'

"Before I read the financial report I have to ask... do any of you have a weapon?"

The Importance of Planning Thoroughly in Advance

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

'All those in doubt, raise your eyebrows.'

"That's unanimous then - we don't know what to do."

"At least we are consistently inconsistent."

'Well, I'm not very satisfied with our customers, either.'

'By the time I climbed up to this job, I was too tired to do it.'

'I want ideas so bold, so wildly innovative, so undeniably brilliant that they retain a shred of originality after everyone picks them to pieces.'

"Let's kick off this Human Resource action with a game of Musical Chairs."