Book Deal Enthusiast Gifts

'They've agreed to our 3-book, 7-figure offer, but only if you remain obscene and obnoxious through book 2.'

"And need I remind you, the 'art of the deal' is the lifeblood of this company."

Victor Hugo

Reading my Critics

"I try to write a little bit every day."

Charles Darwin Book Signing.

What Harper Lee's REALLY been up to all these years

"That's Hicks from the corporate office. He's adorable, but trust me—when it comes to acquisitions, he's an animal!"

"Hmm...I can see a best-selling book and a movie deal out of this..."

"No—You're thinking dog years—Editor years are twice as many."

'Meet the author with her collaborators'

'Sorry, Marx, but your writing ability doesn't meet our needs.'

'Oh, just chuck it in a corner somewhere...'

"That was too many fresh original voices for one night."

'No, you can't just watch the end of Bargainhunt!'

'And I want that end table for $40...' When bargain hunters crack.

'He wrote a whole book on how to play a slot machine. I'm anxious for his next one: How to Set an Alarm Clock.'

'According to this, you owe $57.32 in late fees for the book 'Getting By on a Shoestring Budget'.'

So You've Cloned Yourself

'How about having at least one character who's alive and wearing clothes?'

Online Shopping.

"There goes our early night."

"You'd be angry, too, if your alter ego was a successful physician."

'Publshing Books for Dummies.'

Meet the author

'Gifted class, indeed. One is gifted in science, but he can't read - one is gifted in reading, but won't even try math...'

The miracle of 2-for-1 pizza.

"We'd like to publish it, do nothing to promote it, and watch it disappear from the shelves in less than a month."

"In this one, references to everything have been deleted."

Learn yourself English.

Meet the author Billy Bovine.

The joy of sects.

'Do you have this in a smaller size?'

Boy carrying Samuel Richardson's 'Clarissa' for his mistress

Clara had come a long waw from those readings at the public library.