Book Deal Enthusiast T-Shirts

'They've agreed to our 3-book, 7-figure offer, but only if you remain obscene and obnoxious through book 2.'

"And need I remind you, the 'art of the deal' is the lifeblood of this company."

Reading my Critics

"I try to write a little bit every day."

Charles Darwin Book Signing.

What Harper Lee's REALLY been up to all these years

"Hmm...I can see a best-selling book and a movie deal out of this..."

"No—You're thinking dog years—Editor years are twice as many."

'Meet the author with her collaborators'

"That's Hicks from the corporate office. He's adorable, but trust me—when it comes to acquisitions, he's an animal!"

'Sorry, Marx, but your writing ability doesn't meet our needs.'

'He wrote a whole book on how to play a slot machine. I'm anxious for his next one: How to Set an Alarm Clock.'

'No, you can't just watch the end of Bargainhunt!'

'Oh, just chuck it in a corner somewhere...'

'And I want that end table for $40...' When bargain hunters crack.

"That was too many fresh original voices for one night."

So You've Cloned Yourself

'Publshing Books for Dummies.'

Meet the author

"There goes our early night."

"You'd be angry, too, if your alter ego was a successful physician."

Online Shopping.

'Gifted class, indeed. One is gifted in science, but he can't read - one is gifted in reading, but won't even try math...'

The miracle of 2-for-1 pizza.

"We'd like to publish it, do nothing to promote it, and watch it disappear from the shelves in less than a month."

"In this one, references to everything have been deleted."

The joy of sects.

Meet the author Billy Bovine.

Learn yourself English.

'Do you have this in a smaller size?'

Clara had come a long waw from those readings at the public library.

'Burke's B-list celebrities.'

Boy carrying Samuel Richardson's 'Clarissa' for his mistress