Bonus Season Gifts

"I'm keeping my large bonus under the bed because it's the safest place. I only risk other people's money."

'Thanks to the huge bonus, I find myself forced to admire you.'

Okay, start shouting them in for their annual bonuses.

'Excuse me, Sir, but I think your bonus may be leaking.'

'Investment charts can be complicated, son, but that usually means, 'bonuses'.'

"Yes, I AM laughing my way to the bank. How did you guess?"

"I've decided to step down as CEO so I can spend more time with my money."

The Evolution of the Bonus

'We believe in using performance-enhancing drugs here.. they're called bonuses.'

This is Dr. Sadie, what's your question, caller? I just found out my wife got a bonus at work. But instead of buying gifts for my mother and my six brothers, she flew to Maui and sent me a photo of herself eating a seven-course meal. Stop whining. She's given you the best gift a spouse can give ... Something to hold over her head for the rest of your lives. Well ... There is that, I guess.

"My boss had security escort me out of the office today. I'm worried this means I won't be getting a bonus."

'Guess who made a bushel today?'

'But the good news is, I still get a big bonus.'

'Looks like no cash bonus this year.'

'It's a demonstration by retired CEOs who refuse to give up their bonuses.'

"At bonus time, just don't forget where you get your intellectual property."

'I chose here since heaven won't allow you to take your bonus and golden parachute with you.'

'Remember Nitro, keep the engine running and once we've bagged the bonus cheques you floor the peddle.'

We don't think your 12 million dollar bonus is obscene. We think it's 12 million little ways to say 'I love you.'

'I've got my wallet here in the left inside pocket. Now I got a bonus and bought a bigger wallet which needs more space. Would you please remove my heart?'

loan

'Oh dear. I seem to have put the decimal point in the wrong place again.'

'Tell me more about the obscene bonus package.'

'I take it his performance review went well.'

"No Jenkins, that's NOT a sales graph - it's my salary increase."

'I'll have a big bonus please.'

Loose change fund: 'You get to keep whatever you can grab with one hand.'

'$800,000 per year? Is that with or without an incentive bonus?'

'Oh quit griping and be thankful we even got a bonus this year!'

"I've been too busy investing my enormous salary to be bothered running the company."

"Will my bonus look big in this?"

"You've been vital to our great year. Your bonus is whatever you can carry out by midnight."

'You're addicted to big bonuses. But the good news is there's a patch to treat that.'

'We're with you half way, sir. We'll return our government bailout if we can keep our executive bonuses.'

'I'd like a job where I'm hated for having obscene amounts of money.'