Bonus Believers Gifts

Oh, darn. I've said too much

So which rung are you on my corporate ladder?

This is Dr. Sadie, what's your question, caller? I just found out my wife got a bonus at work. But instead of buying gifts for my mother and my six brothers, she flew to Maui and sent me a photo of herself eating a seven-course meal. Stop whining. She's given you the best gift a spouse can give ... Something to hold over her head for the rest of your lives. Well ... There is that, I guess.

'Reach up and fold down into Uttanasa.' - 'Notice how you feel both physically and spiritually.' - 'Physically, I feel that my toenails are a bit too long.' - 'Hmmm... okay, what about spiritually?'

'But the good news is, I still get a big bonus.'

'We need people who dream the impossible dreams - like pensions and health care.'

'It's a demonstration by retired CEOs who refuse to give up their bonuses.'

'Mr. Barnes was going to interview you for the job, until he realized you were actually expecting financial compensation, benefits and vacation time.'

'Call me a cockeyed optimist but I still believe big executive bonuses and perks can buy happiness.'

We don't think your 12 million dollar bonus is obscene. We think it's 12 million little ways to say 'I love you.'

"Take. Your. Time!"

'I take it his performance review went well.'

'No, your stock didn't split. The fact it's worth half of what it was yesterday is just an amazing coincidence.'

Loose change fund: 'You get to keep whatever you can grab with one hand.'

'It's simple, really. This line stays high and sets a good example for the other line.'

"It's all very well for people to go on about restraining hedge fund managers...but they have not idea of what we do!"

'You're addicted to big bonuses. But the good news is there's a patch to treat that.'

'I'm appalled, the bank's limited my bonus to 'grossly sickening' when I've earned 'outrageous'.'

"It was a mixed dayon wall street. Stocks were down, but bonuses were up."

'We're with you half way, sir. We'll return our government bailout if we can keep our executive bonuses.'

'We've ended up paying our 'golden hellos', golden 'return from holidays' and Prickman wanted a golden 'thank you' after coming back from a toilet break!'

What's a CEO's motivation?

Find the failed CEO who got a 200 million dollar bonus while being fired.

'My union prevented taking away our dental plan to pay for executive bonuses!'

'Getting a big bonus to risk other people's money makes me wonder if I am part of a conspiracy.'

You wanted to see me again, boss? Yes. I realized you never gave me my Christmas bonus. What're you talking about? You're the boss. You give me a bonus, I don't give you a bonus. Exactly. The key word in employer-employee relationship is relationship. One-sided relationships never work, Rudy. I've calculated the amount you would have paid me if you hadn't been taking me for granted for 16 years. Very bad man.

"I got a bonus for the first time in years. Would it be selfish to spend it on myself instead of on Christmas gifts?"

"I'm not sure you're taking this bonus cap thing seriously."

"Personally I don't think our salaries are too high - I see them as legitimate compensation for the emotional trauma we suffer due to the public's disdain for our high salaries."

'Such a small bonus.'

Will work for humongous bonus.

"I can't work in a place that doesn't share my commitment to honesty, moral integrity and a $15,000 sign on bonus."

"What do you think it is?... It's your, fat cat bonus."

"If governments didn't think banks were worth saving we would not be worth our bonuses..."

"They understand that our bonuses should reflect the moral high ground...the higher the better."