Body Positive Champion Gifts

Hipposuction

"This is our new one-piece for the more mature ladies."

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

"The document states that you've been left your mother's jowls and upper arm flab."

This cream won't get rid of cellulite...it just makes it easier to slide into your jeans.

I DATED A GUY FROM THE FAIR, BUT . . .

Critisize your weight.

"Eventually, you'll learn to hate your body, then love it again, then hate it—and back and forth until the beach becomes very complicated."

"Privates Beach"

'Amazing! We truly do live in a classless society.'

'My diet seems to be working great! Do you have any less relaxed jeans?'

Breast Height Chart

"The third little pig is now a menopausal porker. I hate these hairs on my chinny chin chin."

'I gotta lose some weight.'

'It's the same model... he painted the second one eight months after the first painting.'

'You've still got the right stuff, only now it's in the wrong places.'

"That's a big fat lie!"

"I really didn't have a weight problem until they invented skinny jeans."

'I did have a tummy-tuck...But I opted for reconstruction surgery at the same time.'

"I don't think anyone will notice your ninty seven pound lime green lycra swimming trunks Terry."

Aging Problems

"My Weight Watchers meeting's tonight. I'd better get inside."

"When you're healed, I'm going to wear it so I can't see what I weigh."

Hips may appear larger than they actually are.

"Damn. These must have shrunk in the wash." "I don't think so."

"I don't care what it was or how hard it was to kill. It makes me look fat."

'Here's your chance to become a legend.'

"Give me your metabolism! Now!"

'Call Me Old-Fashioned, But I Liked It Better When They Didn't Shave Their Armpits.'

'Good News. Further x-rays revealed the big shadow on your lung to your stomach.'

'Good grief! Who CARES where our tails begin?'

'You know what I really like in someone? Bulk!'

Girl's weight issues.

"I'm pretty sure the middle-aged upper-arm jiggle is the one thing there's not a niche market for."

In the not too distant future... "It's a tribal butterfly tramp stamp, honey. Same as yours."