Boasting Gifts

Fish with a hook tells a good tale.

'What's the point of having a luxury car if you put it in the garage at night?'

'This should come out just right.'

Woman bragging about her big fish, husband with small fish.

Excess Baggage: You send emails from exotic places just to make your friends jealous.

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

'You've orbited the Earth in a NASA spacecraft! Wow! Me, I've jumped over the Moon...'

"Pfff, eating homework is nothing! My mum eats the clothes off the clothes line..."

"Here's to East, West, South and Bridgehampton, and all the little Hamptons in between."

Two grooms/wedding guests raise a glass.

'Absent friends!'

Prosecco

'Toast'

'I had a great year and I wasn't even trying.'

"And this is Joshua, he'll be a hundred and forty-seven months next week."

'If you're worried what to say you do for a living at your reunion, just tell them you recently bought a large stake in a local brewery.'

"Don’t worry. You’re looking at the Frederick H. Tuttle Middle School long-jump champion."

'Sure you always catch bigger fish than me. Your arms are a foot longer than mine.'

'Oh yeah, well, MY DADDY can scare ELEPHANTS!'

Friends and champagne

"The thing of it is I don't even fish!"

"We had these twigs flown in from Italy."

'Tut. Now I suppose we'll have to hear all about her holiday!'

Toast labor day with union crafted beer!

"It's from the We Experience Parenthood More Fully Than You collection."

"Gentlemen...the toast!"

"Oh, we have a special hell for triathletes. It's just like regular life, except you can't talk about your triathlons."

'And that's only the size of the fly.'

"And let us never forget those million of brave yeast cells who gave their lives so we might guzzle."

'I still have all my own teeth but my head is false.'

'See! I told you my dad is a boxer!'

"I take it you got the job?"

Man claims to be a good swimmer so lady asks him to jump in the river and fetch a flower

Mothers. . . have no shame.

101 uses of a dead cat: toast fork