Boardroom Jockey Gifts

'Consolidation is tearing us apart.'

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

"Yes Sir, I'm still working on the 'ins and outs' of their proposal."

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

'I'll be late for dinner, dear, I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

"Now that I have everyone's attention..."

"Jackie, why does your relationship status read ‘capitulated to’ me?!"

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

Bo're'droom

'Had I known Hell was going to be exactly like work, I probably wouldn''t have spent as much time there.'

'Sorry, suffering from burnout return in a week.'

"Morning, all!"

"I hate performance review season."

"I'm overpaid and underworked, but you don't see me complaining!"

"Mr. Johnson, Bob is kicking me under the table!"

"Now, let's get out there and walk really fast to places we don't want to be."

Time for More Paperwork

Food Chain, Inc: 'UP...DOWN'.

"They've hiked up our targets again...I'm going to have to put in some overtime to have any chance of meeting them!"

In many ways this is the perfect job! Out. Out.

"Hoskins, try saying 'profits are up' without the finger quotes, okay?"

"Great plan. Could we get some more details?"

'I need to talk to you about the coffee fund.'

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

'Now that we've defined 'happy deficits' let's try it out on the stockholders.'

'I went into that meeting with a hidden agenda and then forgot where I put it.'

Lumbar support animal

'I want to claim for black marker pens.'