Office Jockey Gifts

Big CEO- Small Outfit

"I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you."

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

"Yes Sir, I'm still working on the 'ins and outs' of their proposal."

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

'I'll be late for dinner, dear, I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

"Jackie, why does your relationship status read ‘capitulated to’ me?!"

Golfing Boss

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

'Had I known Hell was going to be exactly like work, I probably wouldn''t have spent as much time there.'

"Morning, all!"

'Sorry, suffering from burnout return in a week.'

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

'Asynchronous, collaborative, interactive - we're obviously on a roll.'

'Try and be negative in a positive way.'

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

Time for More Paperwork

"I'm overpaid and underworked, but you don't see me complaining!"

"They've hiked up our targets again...I'm going to have to put in some overtime to have any chance of meeting them!"

Food Chain, Inc: 'UP...DOWN'.

"Now, let's get out there and walk really fast to places we don't want to be."

'Bad news, sir -- there's a leak in our think tank!'

'You really want that promotion, don't you, Sherman?'

"If Google Translate is correct, they want our women and our cattle."

'Can you do more work then is humanly possible?'

'I need to talk to you about the coffee fund.'

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

'Lion Tamer experience hey? Well, I have a project currently needing your management skills...'

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

Lumbar support animal