Office Jockey Gifts

Big CEO- Small Outfit

"I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you."

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

"Yes Sir, I'm still working on the 'ins and outs' of their proposal."

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

'I'll be late for dinner, dear, I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

Golfing Boss

"Jackie, why does your relationship status read ‘capitulated to’ me?!"

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

'Had I known Hell was going to be exactly like work, I probably wouldn''t have spent as much time there.'

'Sorry, suffering from burnout return in a week.'

"Morning, all!"

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

'Asynchronous, collaborative, interactive - we're obviously on a roll.'

'Try and be negative in a positive way.'

'You really want that promotion, don't you, Sherman?'

In many ways this is the perfect job! Out. Out.

"They've hiked up our targets again...I'm going to have to put in some overtime to have any chance of meeting them!"

"I'm overpaid and underworked, but you don't see me complaining!"

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

'Bad news, sir -- there's a leak in our think tank!'

Food Chain, Inc: 'UP...DOWN'.

Time for More Paperwork

Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tick, tock-tock, tickety-tick tock ….

"Now, let's get out there and walk really fast to places we don't want to be."

"If Google Translate is correct, they want our women and our cattle."

'Can you do more work then is humanly possible?'

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

'Lion Tamer experience hey? Well, I have a project currently needing your management skills...'