Boardroom Buzzards Gifts

"He'll never win this negotiation. He's saddled with numbers...but we have anecdotes."

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

"Now that I have everyone's attention..."

Bo're'droom

"Mr. Johnson, Bob is kicking me under the table!"

'Great news this quarter! Losses are up in smoke, profits are high, and we're seeing lots of green!'

'The good news is, we did as well as expected last quarter. The bad news is, we didn't expect to do too well.'

'I went into that meeting with a hidden agenda and then forgot where I put it.'

'Now that we've defined 'happy deficits' let's try it out on the stockholders.'

'I've given a lot of thought to giving some thought to your latest proposal.'

"Listen to everybody's opinions? Please, we're not that desperate."

"Tell the vice presidents they've downsized enough."

'It's my company, I'll decide whether I want to go to the partner's meeting or not.'

The Importance of Planning Thoroughly in Advance

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

'All those in doubt, raise your eyebrows.'

"For details on the bear market, here's a bear..."

"That's unanimous then - we don't know what to do."

'As I see it, our choices are 'no' and 'hell no'.'

"At least we are consistently inconsistent."

'Well, I'm not very satisfied with our customers, either.'

'I want ideas so bold, so wildly innovative, so undeniably brilliant that they retain a shred of originality after everyone picks them to pieces.'

"That's a very difficult problem to address, Ted, could you restate it as a solution?"

Although not felt by everone, Wanda's powrful jargon sent seismic shock waves through some of the more geologically unstable department in the organization.

Business cartoon showing sales declining so much that they bounce off the floor.

Stand-up comic/ceo: 'A funny thing happened on the way to the board meeting...'

"Sorry, I'm preaching again. Why don't we pause for a moment while I pass around the collection plate."

"Every now and then, I find myself in a room filled with people who are wrong."

'Thank you, Leo. Nothing like a roar to get us going in the morning.'

'You myst blow at least a 2.3 on the 'drunk with power' breathalizer before they'll promote you to upper management.'