Board Master Gifts

Cheese Plaiters.

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

"What's a debenture?"

"I drink just enough coffee to make me think I can do my job."

'Asynchronous, collaborative, interactive - we're obviously on a roll.'

"Hoskins, try saying 'profits are up' without the finger quotes, okay?"

"Great plan. Could we get some more details?"

"It's confusing when everybody has a pointer."

A Bloody Butcher

"'Meetingpalooza' sounded better in the brochure."

"I love these off-site business meetings."

'Now this is exactly what I was referring to when I talked about 'scope creep'.'

"I will now fend off questions from the audience."

'I want to discuss communication clarity.'

We called this meeting to decide your torture, Mr. Jones. Then we realized we could kill two birds with one stone by making this meeting eternal.

"The only good news this year, gentlemen, is our massive bonuses."

'You can't put him out to pasture - he owns the pasture!'

'Maybe you should reconsider those place cards, Ms Harris?' (Negotiation talks/Good Guys/Bad Guys)

'I can't get out! -- I lost the owner's manual!'

"In response to your request for better communications, I'm going to increase my lengthy explanation by 50%."

Around here it got a little tricky...

I didn't want to become the company president, but the board of directors left me no choice. You were backed into a corner office.

UBLIC RELATIONS IN CASE OF EMERGENCY BREAK GLASS

'I've never seen anyone lip-sync a speech before.'

'Before we start, would everyone please put your cell phone in the middle of the table?'

"Just look what we can accomplish when we work towards a common goal...LUNCH!"

"Agenda item 14 C, does anyone have any idea what happened in Game of Thrones?"

"One day she'll be a wonderful architect."

"He's sulking because I always beat him at Clue ... "

"I excel at appearing awake in meetings."

'And this is where we all suddenly started getting bad vibes.'

Thank You, Goals Achieved... and then some!

"The result of our last meeting are impressive: 3 completely solved crossword puzzles, 7 battleship matches, 5 shopping lists, and 26 really funny doodles."

'If we are to reorientate our forward facing rhetorical platform we must rephrase our message to cross fertilise the core message..holistically!'

Attendees Anonymous