Board Balancing Comedian Gifts

Skateboard wheel balancing

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

"Here's what I'm gonna do."

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

"Do you guys serve beer?"

"Obviously some people here don't appreciate the gravity of our situation."

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

"Then we have an unspoken agreement?"

'Ah, Galagher, we made good use of your proposal.'

"Who wants to hear a funny story about the third quarter?"

'The shareholders have voted you off the board. We don't feel you're tough enough. On the bright side, you've won this year's Miss Congeniality award.'

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

"All we have to fear is fear itself and unmet quarterly projections."

'These are the end of year figures recollected in tranquility.'

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

'The good news is we're projecting a profit. The bad news is, none of us will be alive then.'

"That's a Hula Hoop. I asked you to find a loophole."

The food chain is like a huge corporation, the only one who really enjoys it, is the guy at the top!

'What kind of a mission statement is that?'

"We made a miscalculation, but it's consistent with our over-all strategy."

"Nobody is to blame until we pick someone."

"And, while there's no reason yet to panic, I think it only prudent that we make preparations to panic."

'Our most successful e-mail campaign was an offer to take customers off our e-mail list.'

"Using worst case scenario as a baseline, I consider this data quite encouraging."

'We're a democracy here, as long as everyone votes in favour of what I want!'

'The 'meows' have it...'

"Unlike other companies, we are going to take the high road through this rough time, even if, at some point, we're obliged to raid the employee pension fund! Is everybody clear on that?"

'Now go out there and sell yourself!'

'I think we're setting the bar too low.'

"Sir, your greed is showing."

"A 'pregnant pause' is effective only if you've already said something."

"Carl, let me start off by saying I'm prepared to give you the benefit of the doubt and treat you as a full-fledged human being."

"Whoa! Back up a second... 'R & D' stands for 'Research & Development?' We always thought it meant 'Rip-off & Distribute!'"

'Would you believe it took 60 people and a half a million dollars to come up with that?'